rated MA for adult themes and language :P
by iheartbbwr
Summary: as harry potter enters the great hall for a sixth year, hogwarts is in for plenty of surprises


**written for my friend... ) **

harry potter scratched his head in the great as he watched the sorting, then he heard someone called by the name of potter, marie

_omfg_ thought harry. _dis is crazy_

dumbledore announced that marie was harry potters long lost sister that survived the attack in lily's stomach

harry gasped loudly, "this is impossible!" no one else said anything cuz no one fucking cared. he stared at marie and then noticed she had abnormally large breasts for an eleven year old. he stood up and pranced towards her. james wouldve been proud. then he felt her up, to which she giggled, and they snogged like no tomorrow. harry was kinda drunk (he was really thirsty and started licking his empty goblet really these house elves need to clean better...)

as people started to exclaim over this public display of affection, Dumbledore went off to a corner with professor sprout and had oral sex with her while Minnie watched with jealousy. She was always jealous of dumbledore and his many conquests. When she looked into the mirror of erised she always saw her and dumbledore alone having loving sex with no fear of other women. Dumbledore was a real player and Minnie wished desperately that he wasn't,

Anyways everyone went crazy when Harry started 2 get it off with his sister cuz he was sixteen and a third and she was only eleven. They didn't notice dumbledore licking professor sprouts clit. But mcgonagall sure did. in a rage of jealousy mcgonagall accio-d filch and rubbed his dick fervently she could've started a fire with that speed

Harry potter ripped off his younger sisters clothes and entered her. Marie screamed and clawed at his beautiful buttocks. but actually she had already lost her virginity when she was nine with some muggle. they had gotten a little crazy in art class. he was ugly and she was high on spray paint. marie was very ashamed of that and pretended to still have her virginity. She wanted everyone to know that she had lost her virginity to the hottest guy in hogwarts and not some freckly nerd.

In the middle of harry's orgasm he remembered Ginny. he didn't really like ginny romantically but she was a damn good snog. he was this close to finally getting into ginny's yellow panties and he didn't want to have to start all over again. He thrust his dick out of marie's surprisingly not tight cunt and the orgasmic sperm sprayed into malfoys mouth. Malfoy got horny and in the heat of the moment he came out of closet announcing his homosexuality. Then he had a threesome with crabbe and goyle, who announced their homosexuality too. throughout this malfoy was thinking of one harry potter...

Professor sprout on the other hand was having the time of her life. She'd never had oral this good since 1845 with professor binns. unfortunately when she got tired of oral with binns she surprised him with a vaginal fuck that he had a heart attack from the sudden change in position.

Filch was very turned on by the transfiguration professor. He'd been craving sensual pleasures ever since that night he lost his virginity to umbridge. umbridge left him the next day and he realized that she had just been leading him on. filch cried for weeks over that but he finally got over her with enough muggle ice cream and the diary of bridge jones.

minnie rubbed filch's trousers too hard that it broke apart. she nearly threw up. but she had to imagine filch as dumbledore and continued to use her dexterity to pleasure filch further. she knew filch was a gossip and that he would tell dumbledore about minnie later that night. she hoped dumbledore would see how amazing minnie was and get jealous and then finally give her the loving fuck she'd been waiting all her life.

hermione stormed into the great hall. "guess what guyz!" she yelled. only about ten people looked away from the scene to look at hermione. "i went to the doctor today and turns out i'm not a muggleborn! the dna test showed that i'm mcgonagall's daughter!"

dumbledore heard this and was very jealous. little did minnie know that he was in love with her too. he couldn't stand the thought of minnie fucking another man.

ron was very thoroughly grossed out by hermione. ron said, "gross hermione. i've been fucking a professor's daughter for ten months?" neville gasped. he never knew this stuff. he preferred reading herbology books in the library. he always felt on one with books.

then ron called hermione a mudblood. he was being imperio-ed by seamus who didnt mean to cast an unforgivable. but hermione knew that ron was being imperio-ed cuz she just _knew_.

ginny was in the corner crying. harry was trying to comfort her, but he knew his heart belonged with his lover, severus snape. snape was looking frigidly at ginny and harry. snape sure didn't ship hinny.

harry kissed ginny's forehead. he knew that ginny was a hopeless romantic. but little did he know...ginny was in love with neville longbottom. and btw so was luna. anywayzzz so harry was massaging ginny's breasts as he kissed down the bridge of her nose. ginny was getting very hot and bothered. right now she was feeling very guilty over the large decorated and bedazzled box under her bed which included tons of cute pictures of neville, twelve strands of his hair, unsent love letters, his shoelace, a viall of tears that she cried over him, heartfelt christmas and birthday gifts she had never plucked up the courage to give, notes they passed in class, and voldemort's horcrux.

ginny was secretly a death eater.

ginny really wanted to save her virginity for neville longbottom to take away. she rubbed harry's butt but harry sensed that he wouldn't be getting into her knickers that night.

neville longbottom was in love with luna lovegood. he decided tonight was the night. he walked up to luna and said "r u from tennessee? cuz you're the only ten i see" she blushed. neville took this as a good sign. after all, the muggle internet hadn't taught him nothing over the summer. he asked her out. she said yes. there were fireworks and shit. then neville suddenly went through puberty and became a sexy beast. all the girls in hogwarts were insanely jealous of luna now. luna smirked at them and pulled neville onto the table with her. plates and goblets clattered onto the floor as she tore off neville's shirt. out of nowhere chocolate syrup fell onto neville's golden abs. luna licked off the chocolate and used her teeth to unzip neville's pants. she rubbed him while he groaned and groaned and moaned. neville couldn't take this teasing anymore. he forcefully grabbed luna up and entered her. luna shrieked half in pain and half in pleasure. he didn't start her off with fingers (he didn't read about that on wikihow unfortunately)

ginny noticed luna and neville. her heart broke. then she decided that she was going to lose her virginity to harry james potter. she couldn't deny that he was the most attractive guy she'd ever set her eyes on. besides sirius black and remus lupin. now _they_ were sexy as hell even as middle aged men.

harry was desperate. he thought that ginny was never going to let him into her knickers. he ripped off her robes in his horny state. "ginny..." he whispered. she looked up at him. "im no xenophilius, but i sure know how to love good" ginny had already decided that she was going to let harry into her that night. she ran her hands through his hair. she purred into his ear, "touch me, harry" harry grinned and pulled her out of the great hall into a broom cupboard. malfoy looked wistfully after them.

Harry was still smiling as he quickly unbuttoned ginnys shirt. she wasn't wearing a bra. he pressed his nose to her cleavage and took a deep breath. Suddenly he fell in love with ginny. ginny suddenly fell in love with harry too. harry pressed his lips to her neck. ginny was busy ripping off his clothes. When she was done, she gasped at harry's wand. now that harry was in love with ginny, he was very self conscious. "what?" he asked, concerned. "is it too small?"

She laughed breathily, shaking her head. "Far from it, Potter," she smiled. Harry gulped. She placed her fingers at the nape of his neck, biting at his ear. Shivering, Harry fumbled with her skirt. She ran her fingers up and down his spine, giggling at his reaction. He finally managed to rid Ginny of her skirt. As his eyes fell onto her knicker-less cunt, he swore under his breath. "Y-you...are so beautiful," he whispered hoarsely into her ear. Harry pulled Ginny's lips onto his. Her eyelids fluttered at the skin contact, one palm groping his butt, the other still resting around his neck. Harry placed one hand behind her head, the other around her waist, pulling her even closer. "Touch me," she repeated huskily into his mouth. His hand slid down her waist, his finger slowly entering her vagina. She bit his lip, moaning. He hooked a second finger in, smiling as she moaned even louder. He slowly entered his penis into her. Ginny began to see stars behind her eyelids. She encouraged him with her moans, groaning his name into his mouth. Her eyes rolled up, she was coming...quickly...Harry's dick reached it, they-

suddenly snape broke the door off the hinges. oh right, thought harry. i forgot about snape.

snape glared at ginny and avada kedavra-d her sorry ass. harry completely forgot about ginny and his almost orgasm. snapes eyes fell onto harry. then they started snogging in the closet

back in the great hall, dumbledore had killed filch when he saw what minnie was doing to him. professor sprout was busy snogging cormac mclaggen. voldemort came by for a visit and turned good when he realized all the sex he was missing out on. dumbledore and minnie were having sex under the table. hermione and ron were doing it doggy-style. filch was masturbating with a spoon. lavender brown was strip-teasing malfoy on his lap. turns out malfoy was bisexual and was now in love with lavender brown.

after the feast, everyone went to their beds. hermione and luna snuck out into the prefect bathroom to check to see if they were pregnant. hermione was. she was really happy. 'im gonna name my baby grawp" she said, because she was actually in love with grawp. luna was pregnant too. she was upset because she knew that she wasn't pregnant from neville. on the train ride, she had fucked a couple of hufflepuffs.

cho chang was crying over cedric diggory. then declared herself a nun and quit hogwarts to work at a small church in france.

ring-ring. sirius black woke up. he realized it was all a dream because he was disturbed by lily and james coming into the dormitory to fuck each other. it was second term of sixth year. they were just friends with benefits. sirius knew that they were in love but were unsure of the other's feelings. he just knew.

the end.


End file.
